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Hilarious Status

Best friends listen to what you don’t say..
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Hilarious Status

Decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
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Hilarious Status 

slept like a baby last night…. Waking up every 3 hours crying for food.
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Hilarious Status 

When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it’s for them?
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Hilarious Status 

If you see a guy opening a car door for a girl, it’s one of two things, either a new girl, or a new car!
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Hilarious Status 

A train station is where the train stops. A bus station is where the bus stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
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Hilarious Status 

War doesn’t determine who’s right, it determines who’s left.
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Hilarious Status 

Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it?
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Hilarious Status 

Every rule has an exception, especially this one.
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Hilarious Status 

Yes, I know how to shut up. I just don’t know when.
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Hilarious Status 

People tellin me I changed, that’s exactly what I’m gettin so I’ll never be the same.
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Hilarious Status 

Failure is only a temporary change in direction to set you straight for your next success. Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly.
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Hilarious Status 

Winners don’t do different things, they do things differently.
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Hilarious Status 

People wait until they have enough time to do what they dream. It is 99% sure it will still be a dream at the end of the life.
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Hilarious Status 

The best nicknames are the ones people don’t know they have.
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Hilarious Status 

If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.
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