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Teacher to students: If you have any doubts in what I have taught so far, please ask me. 
Student: Are you the Maths teacher or English teacher? 

 I love food and sleep. If I give you a bit of food or text you all night, that means something................english funny status

Santa goes for navy selection. 
Captain: So you have come for Navy selection, do you know to swim? 
Santa: If I go for Air Force selection, should I know to fly? 

Yesterday is an old paper, 
Today is a news paper, 
Tomorrow is a question paper, 
But life is an answer paper. 
So write it carefully. 

Man 1: Your son looks just a Xerox copy of you, from head to toe. 
Man 2: Ssshhh, not so loud. He is my neighbour’s son.

How do you scold a watchman? 
Gate-out. 

Editor: Why did you write the story on top of the envelope and send it? 
Author: You asked me to write a Cover Story, that's why. 

Santa: Look a thief has entered our kitchen
and he is eating the cake I made.
Banta: Whom should I call now,
Police or Ambulance?

Usne mere dil mei apni jagah bna li,
maine bhi uski tasveer apne dil mei chhipa li,
:
wo mujhse apne aap ruth gyi.
:
:
:
:
:
Aur humne bhi
:
uski chhoti bahen fasaa li

Santa: I am going to buy the Taj Mahal next week. 
Banta: Who told you I am going to sell it? 

Santa ki shaadi ke 3 mahine baad hi beta ho gaya.
Santa: Ye 3 mahine mein bacha kaise ho gaya?
Biwi: Aapki shadi ko kitna time hua hai?
Santa: 3 mahine.
Biwi: Aur meri shadi ko?
Santa: 3 mahine.
Biwi: Aur bachcha kitne time baad hua?
Santa: 3 mahine baad.
Biwi: Total kitne mahine ho gaye?
Santa: Ohh teri vakai, 9 mahine ho gaye!
time ka pata hi nahi laga?

Nani (to a kid): Soja DIPLOMA soja!
Padosan: diploma kyo bulati ho isse?
Nani: Meri ladki College DIPLOMA lene gayi thi,
ye leke aa gayi..!!

Boy-:mai tumhare liye sab kuch chhod dunga.
girl-maa-baap?
Boy -:haan
girl-: Apne Dost?
Boy-:haan
girl-:Daru??
Boy-: Didi ghar jao Apke papa pareshan ho rahe honge....................english funny status

If you hear the Earth laughing, it means an earthquake. 
If you hear the sea laughing, it means a tsunami. 
If you hear the wind laughing, it means a hurricane. 
If you hear your mobile phone laughing, it means my SMS has arrived! 

Santa:Give me one room with double-bed.
Hotel Manager: But Sir, you seem to be alone.
Santa: Yes. But I am married and I wish to enjoy silence from the other side of the bed!

Pappu: I love you!
Girl: Shutup!
Pappu: I like you!
Girl: Shutup!
Pappu: I miss you!
Girl: Shutup!
Pappu: You are really pretty!
Girl: Really?
Pappu: SHUTUP!

Girl: If you don't marry me quickly, someone is saying that he will kick me. 
Boy: Who is that, you dad or brother? 
Girl: Neither. It's our baby in my stomach. 

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