Doctor: Why did you take your antibiotic medicine at 6 AM, when I told you at 9 AM..???
Patient: I wanted to surprise the bacteria by surgical strike.
After a lengthy quarrel, a wife said to her husband, “You know, I was a fool when I married you.”
The husband replied: “Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn’t notice it.”
Marriage is a 3-ring circus –
wedding ring and
Once a fisherman woke up early in the morning.
It was a bit dark.
He waited a while and found a bag full of stones.
He started throwin dem in the sea for timepass.
Now he had only one stone left.
The sun rose up and he found that those were not stones but diamonds..
Moral of story:
Never wake up early in the morning..
“SIT & STUDY”
the above stunts are performed by trained professionals under controlled environments.
Plz. DON’T TRY THIS at HOME.
Why are wives “more” dangerous than the Mafia? The mafia wants either your money or life…
The wives want both
DEFINITION OF LAZINESS:
Its a talent of taking rest before you get tired because prevention is better than cure.
Be lazy think crazy!
A rabbit runs, jumps but lives only for 15 yrs!
A turtle doesn’t run, does nothing, yet lives for 150 yrs!
Teeth said to Tongue: “If i just press you a little, you’ll get cut…”
Tongue replied: “If I misuse One word against someone, then all 32 of you will come Out..!!”;-)
God thought that since he couldn’t be everywhere he made a mother.
Then devil thought that he couldn’t be everywhere he made a mother-in-law.
Spiritual thought for d day-
Faithful boyfrnds will go straight to heaven..
Unfaithful boyfrnds are already enjoying...
HEAVEN on Earth.
LAZINESS is the 'father' of all bad habits..
But ultimately he is a father & we should respect him!
What happens when a lion roars thrice?
Ok i will tell you..
Tom & jerry cartoon begins!
Heart touching lines.. Thousand words of any teacher does not hurt much.. But the silence of a friend in the examination hall brings tears to the eyes..!
Teacher : What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.
U S A: Hamare DOG Football khelte hai?
JAPAN: Hamari FISH dance Karti hai?
CHINA: Hamare HATHI cycle chalate hai?
INDIA: HAMARE GADHE DESH CHALATE H
Interviewer: Imagine that u r in room with all doors & windows closed & it caught fire,
now how can u escape?
Candidate: Very simple, I’ll stop imagining.
GIRL- kitna pyar krte ho mujhse?
BOY- Shaahjahan jaisa.
GIRL- To Tajmahal bnwao.
BOY- Zameen kharid li h, bs tumhare mrne ka intezaar kr rha hu.
Lalu thanking obama after his stay in america-
Thank you for ur hospitality. When you come 2 india.god promis, i wil also hospitalise u.....
Wife: Darling today is our marriage anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.
Ishq me ye anjam paya hai
Hath pair tute muh se khun aya hai
Hospital pauhnche to nurso ne farmaya
‘baharo phool barsao kisi ka mehbub aaya he
Wife: I hate the beggar who came yesterday!
Wife: I gave him food yesterday and today he gifted me a book “How to Cook”
Mohabbat na rhe
To wafa kon karega...
Pyar na rhe
To pyar kon karega...
Khuda salamat rkhe mujhko.
Tum kanjooso ko itne ache status kaun karega.
What is Talent and what is Intelligence?
Walking on a tight rope over Niagra Falls is Talent.
Not trying such a thing is called Intelligence :-p
One day a foreigner asked to an Indian : “Does any big and great people born in your country.”
Indian: No sir only small babies.
Q: What is the difference b/w secretary & private secretary?
Ans: Secretary says GOOD MORNING SIR
& Private secretary says ITS MORNING SIR
Always keep your LOVER’S photo in your purse.
When ever you are in big trouble see the photo.
You will feel that No other problem bigger than this…
Girls are like an internet virus:
They enter your life, scan your pockets,
Transfer money, edit your mind,
Download their problems and delete your smile............best comedy status for girlfriend
Agar aap janna chahte h pyar ki gahrai to likhe
I love apna name<space> apne partner ka name
Or bhej dijie
Apne PAPA k no.pe
Wo bataynge pyar ki gahrai............just do it
Q: Wat d difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED?
A: When u Marry a right Girl u r Complete & when u Marry a wrong Girl u r Finished.
Gabbar-Ye Hath Hum Ko De De Thakur
Thakur-Nahi Yaar Gabbar..
Me Dil Ka Mariz Hu
Agar Tune Mere Hath Kaat Diye To Mai B.P Kese Check Karwaunga!
PAPPU:Madras ka naam Chennai kyon pada?
NIKKU:Madrasi kya pahante hain?
NIKKU:lungi me chain nahi hoti isliye Chen nai.....+
Boy:-Me 4 years ka hu, Aur tum?
Girl:-Me bhi 4 years ki hu.
Boy:-To fir chal na, Sharmana kya?
Boy- polio ki dawai pine..Doo bund jindagi ka
SINDHI to GUJRATI:
Aap kya lenge thanda ya garam?
GUJRATI: Dono hi mangwado
2 glass pani le aana,
1 freezer se
2sra geezer se.
Purani Kahawat Hai Ki Sone Ki Time
Tension Ko Saath Le Kar Nahi Sona Chahiye
Lekin Phir B Log Pata Nahi Q
Apni Biwi Ko Apne Sath Le Kar Sote Hain. .
Two men r talking.
1st: I got married coz I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house, doing the laundry
& wearing shabby clothes.
2nd: Amazing, I just got divorced for the very same reasons!
So Avoid GIRLS!!!
They say that when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love;
after marriage it is self-defense. best comedy status for facebook
The speed of "Yaar mughe laag gaye hai(Toilet)" is faster than
MutualMutual Fund investments are subject to market risk.
Please read the offer document carefully
What is agony?
You are a one-armed man hanging off a cliff. Suddenly your butt starts to itch..
Bus me Conductor-Madam en bacho ki Umar kitni hai?
Mahila-Chota 2 saal, Bech ka 2.5 saal or bada 3 saal ka
Bus conductor ne chutki li- madam tiket nahi lena koi baat nahi
But bacho ke Bech gap kam se kam 9 months ka rakhoo
Mhila-Oye kalmuhe bechwala bacha mere Devrani ka hai
It is so cold outside I saw a politician with his hands in his own pockets.
Teacher: jeevan kya hai?
Pappu: facebook aur whatsapp se bacha hua samay.
Happu Singh dukaan pe saamaan lene gaya to Dukanadaar 500 ka not bahut dhyaan se dekh raha tha.
Happu Singh haste hue: Lala jee, kitane bhi dhyaan se dekh lo Gandhi Jee ke jagah Katrina/Jacqueline nahin dikhigi.
If we shouldn’t eat at night, why do they put a light in the fridge?
My car horn now sounds like gunshots. People move out of the way much faster recently.
What kind of tea do soccer players drink?